The Thursday Post Critiques 20.6.13

PIC BLANK 4 BUKLYT gatj

Here is my story: I am simply typing it below so you can read it here and leave your comments here. If you feel like it, please share your stories, or else just do me a favour and share your opinions about the story. What changes will make it a good story.

Those of you who write flash fictions please let me know if it is one, if not then why!

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colors

“This is the third time in a month that the discussions held in this room…” he emphasized on the part “this room” very firmly and continued “has leaked out…”

“Only seven persons attend these meetings, including me! So who is the Judas?” his face was deep crimson, eyes squinted to a thin line! His large hands on the table were shaking a little.

“I guess I know.” Venu said softly. She opened her purse and brought out a small gadget with a few indicators. “I have been thinking about it for a while… then had a hunch that the room is bugged!”

She got up and started to check everything in the room….everything was clear… then she stopped and every jaw dropped.

The lights on the indicators were dancing like disco lights- she was standing near the aquarium. The fishes were caught and placed in a bowl- the light stopped dancing. She went to the bowl the dancing started again!

The culprit was the prettiest exotic fish gifted by a business rival… right before the leakage started!

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6 thoughts on “The Thursday Post Critiques 20.6.13

  1. Definitely an interesting story. Only critique I have is when you use the exclamation in Venu’s dialogue when that character is meant to be speaking softly; the exclamation point and her speaking softly are contradicting each other. But that is such a minor thing! haha, I really liked the story!

  2. Nice piece of flash fiction, although I would not explain the ending so explicitly. I think it works better to bring the relevant points close together and let the reader connect the dots. Something like:

    “There seems to be an electronic signal coming from the angelfish, sir,” Venus said. “The one Director Cameron presented us as a peace offering.”
    The CEO’s face darkened. “Why the hell didn’t you tell me we had a gift from our arch-rival in this very room!”

    Or something like that. Just a suggestion, of course.

I LOVE TO READ AND RETURN COMMENTS. SOME OF MY READERS DONT LEAVE URL, IF THEY START LEAVING URL I WILL JUST LOVE TO READ THEIR WORKS TOO.

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